Time trials scare me.

I find running 1km mentally tougher than 21.1km. I have a 3km time trial to do and am dreading it. I don’t know why, I’ve done some good work, but I still fear it.

It loiters about on my training schedule like a bully in a school corridor. You don’t make contact, but the fear of pain, loss and associated failure as a person is palpable. Maybe beating one time trial, the equvalent of standing up to a bully, would break this cycle of fear. As most would testify, standing up to a bully just results in further pain.

It is only mentally they beat me. I get a little down in the early stages and know there is no time to catch up. I’m beaten, even though my legs and lungs still have plenty left. I’ll just pull out of this lap. It’s too easy to stop. Too easy to take the easy option. Easy to just clock it as 600m of a training run, and look at it as quick in that regard.

I’m a plodder, I win in the long run. The short race isn’t me. But I need to do it to make the long run better - therein lies the catch 22. Do I stand up to the bully and cop a whacking to save my schooling, or remain in fear and in the shadows avoiding what might be knowing that we’ll go our separate ways?

I know what I need to do - I just am to scared to do it.